Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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