i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
