I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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