i already hear my dad disowning me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
