What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
