i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
