You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
