guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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