so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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