I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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