Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
