This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How's work?
Spinning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
