i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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