woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you would pick up someone in the library
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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