dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
