a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
