found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
