She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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