i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
