I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
