You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
