How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
