You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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