I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
