I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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