he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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