In the future we'll all be gay
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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