just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
