You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
