my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
