There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
