Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
