kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
