i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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