i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
