We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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