so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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