My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
