did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
