One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
