glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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