I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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