my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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