Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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