guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
