1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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