i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
