so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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