Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
