I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
