you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
