Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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