her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
