If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
