Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
