just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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