This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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