please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
